Image – “Migration”, monotype 20″ x 16″
Doing My Being
Since leaving my position as a professor of art (24 years of teaching college), I have been wandering aimlessly, at times, to find my purpose beyond teaching others. Most folks would think, myself included, that WOW now you have all this time to create your own work.
When we made the move to Bend, my initial goal was to make a modest living creating, selling and teaching art.
It has been a great deal more difficult than I would have ever imagined. I find that I have been spending a good deal of my time thinking about what I should be doing. Hovering over my marketing strategies, scheduling my time meticulously on calendars, wandering around my studio making marks, re-arranging my spaces and often pretending what I do is fulfilling.
I have come to realize, just recently, that what I have been doing is not fulfilling at all. I am not finding the joy I was expecting when in the studio. When I do find joy, it seems fleeting. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it simply means my internal desire is moving me in a different direction. A direction unknown to me.
I do know that certain works I have created during the past three years, resonate. They resonate because there is a mystery to them. A mystery I cannot initially explain. These works are few and far between.
I have spent so much of my life in silence. Not offering up what was really going inside me. Not allowing others to see my vulnerability. Art became an important channel for that silence to be revealed. Now, simply channeling that silence through my art does not seem to be enough. My purpose is shifting.
What my desire is revealing to me is that instead of spending all my precious time thinking about what my purpose is, I must Do My Being. Act upon what is imbedded in my heart, gut and brain. Get it out, offer it up to the world in whatever manner deems appropriate, and do it everyday.
Not sure where that desire will eventually take me, but I am intrigued. Stay tuned.