Image: “Ebb and Flow”, mixed media
Doing My Being – Part II
My last blog about Doing My Being, sparked more conversation than any of my blogs to date. Granted I have only just begun my journey into the blogging world, but the responses were intriguing enough for me to take the time to address them more specifically.
We all grapple with questions of purpose, which often change as we move through life. I had stated in the previous blog and firmly believe that wandering aimlessly is not a bad thing. For me, and it seems others, it is how we find ourselves. Putting ourselves out there is the only way to gain clarity and discover our authentic selves.
I have always put myself out there, often times, hesitantly, naively and without a plan. This can appear or feel aimless, but I have discovered that moving outside my comfort zone is the only way for me, to find me.
In 1985, moving to New Orleans, a world so different than North Dakota where I was born and raised, was my first step toward self discovery in my mid to late 20’s. Being confronted with my new marital status, new landscape, new cultures, new university, new friends, forced me to face my numerous vulnerabilities. I remember holding back tears when I would talk to my parents, because I missed the comforts of home. It did not take long for me to acclimate to my surroundings and reap the benefits of the rich environment I had found in New Orleans. I began to realize at that early age, the magnitude of my internal strength to endure, persist and thrive in the unfamiliar.
Knowing that I can thrive when faced with uncomfortable or unexplored environments, I have dived into many situations throughout the years that may have seemed improbable to those around me. My ego and need for validation certainly played a part as well as my need to compete with myself.
Doing My Being is less about coming of age or Gods’ plan (I do not believe in God), and instead for me is more about allowing for awareness of self. For many, that self awareness comes and goes depending upon what is currently happening in our lives. For me, leaving a comfortable and safe surrounding is what leads me to become hyper-aware of my feelings and reactions to the world around me. And each time I have dared myself to dive into the unknown, flailing at times, I have thrived and grown.
Diving in can be scary, feel aimless and melancholic, even desolate. But as I have and continue to move through each of these dives, the lightness I feel when the tunnel opens up, is an indication that I have moved closer to the person I truly am. Yes, that lightness, that joy can be fleeting as I mentioned in my previous blog, but Doing My Being continues nevertheless.